Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish I only lived at night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize