I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I have fence marks all over my body
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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