do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
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I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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