i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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