walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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