I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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