I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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