I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize