Your dad touched me again.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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