I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
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After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
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What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize