mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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