OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
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i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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