Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
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THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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