You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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