we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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