After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize