There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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