The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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