I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
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He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
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Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize