I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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