Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
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Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
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nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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