I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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