Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
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You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize