My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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