Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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