note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
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i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
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If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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