I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
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He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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