I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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