I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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