how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize