Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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i drank out of a bidet.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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