just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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