yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize