my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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