Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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