if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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