I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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