your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
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Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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