I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize