Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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