I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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