and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
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Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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