everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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