It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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