Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize