Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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