I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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