Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize