You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
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We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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