6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
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I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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